Attachment Styles: A Simple Guide

What Are Attachment Styles?

According to the Cleveland Clinic, we can define attachment styles as:
"Attachment styles refer to the way our primary caregivers interacted with us as infants, and how those interactions affect our relationships in adulthood."

In other words

Essentially, attachment styles are the foundation that shapes how we interact in relationships, which is based on our early childhood and how we were raised. These attachment styles can influence our responses to intimacy, how we express our emotional needs, and ultimately how we communicate with others. Attachment theory is the basis for the attachment styles, which can be read more about here.

There are 4 attachment styles, however, they are broken up into 2 categories.

• 3 of the attachment styles are considered "insecure "
• The 4th attachment style is considered "secure "

The goal, if you resonate more with an insecure attachment style, is to work your way to becoming secure.

This article aims to help you identify which of the 4 attachment styles (listed below) resonates most with you.

1. Secure Attachment
2. Anxious Attachment
3. Avoidant Attachment
4. Disorganized Attachment

Identifying Your Attachment Style

IMPORTANT: Take note of your responses, as you will tally them up to get a rough idea of which attachment style you are likely to be

Question 1: In a close relationship, how do you typically feel?

A) "I am comfortable with intimacy and I trust my partner"
B) "Sometimes I worry that my partner no longer loves me or will leave"
C) "When things get too emotionally close I often feel uncomfortable, or react in a way that's not me"
D) "I push people away even though I want to be close to them"

Question 2: How do you feel you handle conflict?

A) "With open and constructive communication - I aim to resolve the issue and grow from it"
B) "Conflict can make me feel anxious at times and I sometimes need reassurance that things are okay before I can confront it"
C) "I feel as though I'm non-confrontational and avoid the conflict by distancing myself"
D) "When there's conflict, there's usually intense emotions which I handle somewhat unpredictably"

Question 3: When it comes to emotional needs, how do you handle yours, or others?

A) "Expressing and meeting my emotional needs is comfortable to me"
B) "I often times feel that expressing my emotional needs would be a burden or too much to handle"
C) "I prefer independence as emotional demands can be overwhelming"
D) "Sometimes, no matter how bad I want or need support, I will push it away or wait for someone to approach me about it"

Question 4: If a relationship becomes serious, how do you feel you behave?

A) "Emotional commitment and the intimacy that comes along with it is something I embrace"
B) "Once it becomes serious, I constantly feel like I need reassurance that something bad isn't going to happen"
C) "When I feel or recognize a relationship becoming serious, I begin to distance myself"
D) "I have a hard time deciding whether or not I want or fear a serious relationship"

Question 5: When someone expresses love or affection towards you, which best describes how you react?

A) "It is not only comforting but something I appreciate"
B)  "I don't deserve it or even when I don't feel that way, I feel it won't last"
C) "Uneasy and unsure of how to respond. I often times downplay it"
D) "Overwhelmed. Which makes me anxious and sometimes unable to respond"

Question 6: When spending time apart from a loved one, or even separation, do any of the following describe how you deal with it?

A) "I miss them but trust allows me to maintain the belief that the relationship will stay strong"
B) "Something bothers me deep down that makes me feel like when they return, they might not love me as much"
C) "Relief. I prefer the space"
D) "It's hard to tell. I might reminisce and long for their return but I also might feel relief"

Question 7: In a relationship, which answer best matches how you perceive your own self-worth?

A) "When I'm in a relationship I feel not only valued but confident"
B) "Am I good enough for my partner?"
C) "I validate my worth. I don't feel like I need a relationship to validate my worth"
D) "Conflicted. I feel like I struggle with self-worth as a whole"

Out of the 7 questions, count how many A's, B's, C's, and D's you responded with

Scoring and Interpretation

Let's review your score and interpret which attachment style might fit you best (this is not an official exam or questionnaire by any means - it is simply a quick guide to get an idea of which attachment style fits you the most)

The Majority of my Answers Were Mostly A's --> You should look more into the Secure Attachment style
The Majority of my Answers Were Mostly B's --> You should look more into the Anxious Attachment style
The Majority of my Answers Were Mostly C's --> You should look more into the Avoidant Attachment style
The Majority of my Answers Were Mostly D's --> You should look more into the Disorganized Attachment style

What're My Next Steps?

You can search online for other attachment style questionnaires (I'll provide some links below) and see which attachment style you most frequently score with.

Once you feel you've identified your attachment style, for those of you that have an insecure attachment style, you can take steps towards developing a secure attachment style. I will post my own articles, as well as other reputable sources, that help guide you in the right direction!

For those of you that are confident you have a secure attachment style, I encourage you to read more about the insecure attachment styles, and ensuring you maintain your healthy habits while also knowing what to look for in terms of unhealthy habits.

Please do not label yourself or believe that your attachment style is a part of your identity! It is a STYLE. No matter your result, utilize it! Gain insight to improve yourself. You will see personal growth and have better relationships which will make a huge impact in your life! We ALL have unhealthy habits - even if attachment style is secure. This is just one tiny aspect of you that directly relates to your loved ones, your own well being, and how to create or improve the bonds you have always wanted or already have!

Attached Magazine's Attachment Style Quiz

• Estimated Time: 2 minutes
• Questions: 18

Dr. Heller's Attachment Style Quiz

• Estimated Time: 4 minutes
• Questions: 45

Psychology Today Magazine's Attachment Style Quiz

• Estimated Time: 5 minutes
• Questions: 50

Dr. Fraley's Attachment Style Quiz

• Short Version

  • Estimated Time: 4 minutes
  • Questions: 36

• Long Version

  • Estimated Time: 15 minutes
  • Questions: 128